Healing from A Divorce or Breakup

Healing from A Divorce or Breakup

by Dr. James E. Walton, Ph.D., LMFT
PeacefulDivorceLA.com, North Hollywood

First of all, talk about your loss with people who are willing to listen. You might even want to seek out a licensed therapist to help you through this time.

It’s important to let yourself know that you can and will make it through this time. Stick to your daily routines. Continue to eat, sleep and exercise at the same times you always have. If you don’t
exercise, now could be a good time to start. Exercise causes our bodies to release endorphins that serve to help us feel better.

You may feel that you will never love again. You may feel you were foolish in having trusted that individual. You may have felt that he or she was the “right” one for you and there will never be another. None of those thoughts is true.

There is not just one person out there for you; there are many right people out there for you. If someone is ultimately not with you, then they were definitely not the right person. The only thing true about that relationship experience is that you probably learned something about yourself that you can take forward into future relationships.

It’s your thoughts that determine your happiness, not the person you’re with. Just stay away from idealizing or demonizing the other person.

Stay away from alcohol or drugs they will only make the recovery from your loss more difficult by adding their own required recovery time to your healing process. They only complicate the healing process. Don’t block the memories, allow yourself to feel as they come up and pass. Allow yourself to grieve and cry and spend time alone when you feel you need to.

It’s OK to look at pictures of the two of you and feel the pain, and cry. But set a time limit on yourself for doing this, say to only five or ten minutes. Then when the time is up, tell yourself you are done with that for now and change your thoughts by distracting yourself with something else more interesting or pleasant Do not seek revenge against this person.

Rebound relationships help you to get over the old guy/gal. They last about 90 days. Isolating yourself from the world does not protect yourself or identity. You need to be in contact with others. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable actually protects your self better, because it allows others in and they enhance and validate your experience of others.

How you position yourself when telling others of your break up will direct the way they respond to you. Just tell them factually about it. And say, “This is something I needed to do for myself and I would like to have your support, and if you are not able to, then let’s not discuss it.“

To mothers tell them that you love them for raising you right to know when to protect yourself and do what you need to do. This is not an experience of failure, but rather and experience of success in learning what is right for you.

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