According to the Webster Dictionary FORGIVENESS is:
to pardon; to cease to bear resentment against, to cancel (as a debt).
“Hanging on to resentment lets someone you have problems with live rent free in your head” (anonymous)
For most people it is difficult to forgive someone for something that has been done which has hurt them very deeply. This is especially true when experiencing a divorce or separation. It may be hard to forgive a spouse/partner or a parent for real or perceived wrongdoings. Rarely does a person get married and expect that one day they will be divorced. Most children never imagine they will have two homes and/or will not be living with both parents at the same time. It is common for people in this situation to experience sadness, disappointment and many times resentment over shattered hopes and dreams. When children get involved in the custody battle, they may feel that they are expected to take sides. As a result, they can become angry with one or both of their parents…either for something that has been done to the other parent or for something that has been done to them.
Considering the Collaborative / Mediation Divorce process can help. Collaborative Divorce addresses the emotional needs of the family throughout the divorce to reduce the negative impact of divorce on the entire family.
Learning to forgive is a powerful tool. While it may not be easy, it is usually beneficial. To forgive someone is a personal choice. No one can force you to do it. Forgiveness is always done for yourself and not for the other person. It is not even necessary to let someone know that you have forgiven him or her. When you forgive, it doesn’t mean that you have forgotten or agreed with what has happened. What forgiveness does is help you to release your pain and the anger that has been felt. Because it helps you, you will find that once you forgive, you are able to be more in control of your own life. You will allow yourself to stop being a victim. While it may be very hard to forgive someone for things that have happened, it also can be healthy and liberating to let go of the past so you can move on with your life to have a happier and more productive future.
If you are considering divorce, the Collaborative Divorce process can transform a divorce proceeding from an adversarial process to one of respect and peaceful resolution.
Please contact Family Divorce Solutions for more information.
Nancy Satenberg, Ph.D.
Leave a Comment